And further, you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. You wives will submit to your husbands as you do to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of his body, the church; he gave his life to be her Savior. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives must submit to your husbands in everything.

And you husbands must love your wives with the same love Christ showed the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by baptism and God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife. No one hates his own body but lovingly cares for it, just as Christ cares for his body, which is the church. And we are his body.

As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:21-33Ephesians 5:21-33
English: Contemporary English Version (1999) - CEV
Wives and Husbands ²¹ Honor Christ and put others first. ²² . A wife should put her husband first, as she does the Lord. ²³ A husband is the head of his wife, as Christ is the head and the Savior of the church, which is his own body. ²⁴ Wives should always put their husbands first, as the church puts Christ first. ²⁵ . A husband should love his wife as much as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it. ²⁶ He made the church holy by the power of his word, and he made it pure by washing it with water. ²⁷ Christ did this, so that he would have a glorious and holy church, without faults or spots or wrinkles or any other flaws. ²⁸ In the same way, a husband should love his wife as much as he loves himself. A husband who loves his wife shows that he loves himself. ²⁹ None of us hate our own bodies. We provide for them and take good care of them, just as Christ does for the church, ³⁰ because we are each part of his body. ³¹ . As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother to get married, and he becomes like one person with his wife.” ³² This is a great mystery, but I understand it to mean Christ and his church. ³³ So each husband should love his wife as much as he loves himself, and each wife should respect her husband.

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I don’t know about you, but I am amazed by what God has done in these verses. As if we weren’t already under pressure, God tells us that our marriages are little shadow-boxes of a heavenly reality. The way we show love and respect in our marriages is a story to the world about our view of the love and respect between Christ and the church. Wow!

I’m not meaning to scare you. God knows exactly what you are going through. So you don’t need to hide under your chair. His love is forgiving of your past failure. It is ready to provide a second chance.

So husbands, how forgiving are you when your wife has done something you found personally hurtful or demeaning? How is Christ’s example of love to you going to make you a better husband? My suggestion: start today to show love, forgiveness, patience… whatever it takes to show your wife how much you care for her. You’ll find in the end that you love her more than you ever did!

In the meantime, wives, please recognize that the guys are in some tricky territory. They’re not always going to show you the kind of love and compassion you want. Maybe give them some respect in advance, as if you were giving it to Jesus. Let them know that you are willing to let them lead the way, even when they falter. If you are lucky enough to have a man trying to live up to the stature of Christ, say a quick, thankful prayer. If not, make it a heartfelt request for heart-change!

practice

Husbands:
Read Philippians 2:13Philippians 2:13
English: Contemporary English Version (1999) - CEV
13 God is working in you to make you willing and able to obey him.

WP-Bible plugin. Are you working so that your wife will want to follow? How have you encouraged your wife towards greater spiritual development this week? How frequently do you publicly praise your wife?

Wives:
Read Proverbs 31:10-12Proverbs 31:10-12
English: Contemporary English Version (1999) - CEV
In Praise of a Good Wife ¹⁰ A truly good wife is the most precious treasure a man can find! ¹¹ Her husband depends on her, and she never lets him down. ¹² She is good to him every day of her life,

WP-Bible plugin. Would your actions be best described as a help or a hindrance to your husband? How have you praised him publicly this week? Privately?

Unmarried:
Is there a couple that stands out to you as an example of Christ relating to the church? Why don’t you encourage them by letting them know how much they mean to you?

…the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:33Ephesians 5:33
English: Contemporary English Version (1999) - CEV
33 So each husband should love his wife as much as he loves himself, and each wife should respect her husband.

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Respect… we all know how to spell it thanks to Aretha Franklin, but do we really know how to do it? First of all, we need to realize that this is not an option if you want to truly walk with God and be obedient to Him. It is a command. Unfortunately, our society has set a standard that respect must be earned. And with the advancement of the women’s movement, often men are viewed (and portrayed in TV and film) as bumbling buffoons that need the level-headed woman in their lives to set them straight. They hardly deserve respect! If we are not careful, these caricatures of men can become our view, too, and we will pridefully refuse to respect the man God has given to lead us. That is sin.

So, we must make sure we are viewing our husbands as the men God created them to be, and secondly we must, through the power of the Holy Spirit, choose to respect them. You may ask, “Do I have to respect him, even if his character does not deserve respect?” The answer is “yes”, because even if the man is unworthy of respect, his position is worthy. 1 Corinthians 11:31 Corinthians 11:3
English: Contemporary English Version (1999) - CEV
3 Now I want you to know that Christ is the head over all men, and a man is the head over a woman. But God is the head over Christ.

WP-Bible plugin says, “Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.” Clearly, God has appointed the man to a position of authority in the home. That requires of the wife not only the outward show of respect, but also an inward heart’s attitude of obedience to God. When we give this respect as unto the Lord, not by virtue of the man, we can give respect to our husbands whether they are wise and Godly, or even if they are not believers at all. In fact, this respectful behavior can even be used to draw a lost husband to the Lord (1 Peter 3:1,21 Peter 3:1,2
English: Contemporary English Version (1999) - CEV
Wives and Husbands ^{3 1} ; . If you are a wife, you must put your husband first. Even if he opposes our message, you will win him over by what you do. No one else will have to say anything to him, ² because he will see how you honor God and live a pure life.

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Now that we know it is a command, and that God will give us the power to respect our husbands, what does respect look like? I love the Amplified Bible version of Ephesians 5:33Ephesians 5:33
English: Contemporary English Version (1999) - CEV
33 So each husband should love his wife as much as he loves himself, and each wife should respect her husband.

WP-Bible plugin. It says “let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband – that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates and esteems him, and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly.” Wow! Now that is RESPECT! And it is possible when you allow the Holy Spirit to accomplish it through you.

Circumstance come and go, husbands succeed and fail, some merit respect and others do not. Whatever you situation, you can by an act of your will, show biblical respect to your husband and show love to God in the process. It is important to your husband, and it is important to God.

practice

• Have I been fooled by the world into thinking my husband must earn my respect?
• How can I show my husband respect today?
• How hard am I willing to work at respecting my husband (God’s authority) in my life?

prayer

Lord Jesus, I know you set up all the positions of authority in the world. I thank you that you have placed my husband over me for my protection and your glory. Enable me to show my husband the respect that you intend him to have. May your power be perfected in my weaknesses, and may you be pleased with my obedience. In your name, Amen.

(continuing from yesterday…)

If all you’re doing is kissing your spouse good-bye on the way out the door in the morning and then once again before turning out the light that night, you’re not really showing love. You’re just going through the motions. Get creative, become a student of your spouse. What would really demonstrate your love to them in a way that words never could? Find out and go for it!

Though men and women certainly have their fair share of differences, this is one arena where they are very much alike. All of us want to be shown love. As much as we love to hear the words (and don’t get me wrong, saying the words is also very necessary), we have got to put actions behind the words! From leaving little love notes in your spouse’s briefcase or purse to surprising them with lunch at their office or serving them breakfast in bed, demonstrative love has almost limitless potential. You can plan a romantic evening, in or out (complete with child care, men), rent a movie that they would really enjoy, buy tickets to a sporting event or theatrical event that would please them, or just clean the house, do the laundry, or mow the yard, just so they won’t have to.

There is so much I could say about this subject, so many practical tips I could mention, but I’m writing a short devotion here, not a book. So, I must wrap it up. I want to say two more things in closing.

First of all, one of the biggest ways you can show love to your spouse is through encouragement. Notice the myriad of things they do and specifically thank them for their tireless devotion to you! Tell them in words, face to face. Buy them a thank you card and actually mail it to your own house for them to find in the mailbox and open. If you really want to earn some brownie points, praise them in public!!! Let them hear you genuinely appreciating them in front of others. Your words of gratitude and affirmation toward your spouse will not be mere music to their ears; they will be a symphony to their heart!

And lastly, I do want to point us back to the author of love and remind us of how God led by example when it came to not just speaking love, but showing love. John penned these words:

But anyone who does not love does not know God—for God is love. God showed how much he loved us by sending his only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life though him. This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

1 John 4:8-101 John 4:8-10
English: Contemporary English Version (1999) - CEV
8 God is love, and anyone who doesn't love others has never known him. ⁹ God showed his love for us when he sent his only Son into the world to give us life. ¹⁰ Real love isn't our love for God, but his love for us. God sent his Son to be the sacrifice by which our sins are forgiven.

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Do you see the action demonstrated through those verses? Do you see how God took the initiative? And if you recall Romans 5:8Romans 5:8
English: Contemporary English Version (1999) - CEV
8 But God showed how much he loved us by having Christ die for us, even though we were sinful.

WP-Bible plugin, it says that God did all of this for us “while we were still sinners.” God didn’t wait until we had our acts together or until we proved ourselves to be lovable. No! He loved us even when we didn’t love Him! And even when we still fail to show Him our love, He never stops loving us! That is not only the reason we are to love others, but also the way we are to love others; sacrificially, unconditionally, and everlastingly. Especially our spouse!

practice

• Take a little time to evaluate how well you do in really demonstrating your love for your spouse.
• Ask the Lord to help you be more diligent in showing your spouse how much they mean to you. And if you’re at a point where you don’t “feel” like your spouse is worth your effort, ask God to rekindle that flame and fan it into a deep love.
• Find two or three things you can do this week to demonstrate love to your spouse, and follow through with them.
• Try to establish the habit of putting love into action rather than just putting it into words.

prayer

God, You who are Love, I need Your help! So often I am so totally consumed with ideas of how I want to be loved by my spouse, that I don’t take the time to love them first. Please forgive me for forgetting that marriage isn’t about what I can get, but rather about what I can give. Please help me to be a giver of love to my spouse. Please help me to be thankful for them and for all that they do, not just for me, but for our family, and so many others. Help me to show my love through action and encouragement, and I pray that You will bless our marriage as a result. Please help ours to be a lasting, effective marriage that is joyful to us and pleasing to You. Your love is the key ingredient to any successful marriage, so please help me to always follow Your example and be willing to keep loving, even when I don’t feel like it. In Your name I pray, Amen.

“I love pizza!” “Oooh, I just love little puppy dogs.” “I love the Atlanta Braves!!” “I love watching ‘American Idol’.” “I love shopping.” “I love the spring time.” “I love you.” When you think about how carelessly and liberally we throw the word love around, is it any wonder that many of us aren’t exactly “feeling the love?”

How do you define love? The dictionary says that love is “an intense affection toward another person based on familial or personal ties.” A lot of times this “intense affection” stems from a physical or sexual attraction. We say we love people when we are attracted to them or when they make us feel good. Right? Be honest.

This kind of love represents the mire in which so many live today, the wasteland of conditional affection. We “love” others based on their ability to fulfill the desires and needs we have. This kind of conditional love is also mercurial, that is, a “love” that is subject to the whimsy of our emotions, a wavering devotion that changes with our feelings and moods from one minute to the next. The divorce rate is staggeringly high today because husbands and wives supposedly stop loving one another or “fall out of love.” They go through a rough patch in their marriage and no longer “feel” love for their spouse, so they call it quits. They label it “irreconcilable differences” on the divorce papers, but it really boils down to the tragedy of empty love, an extremely immature love that never grew beyond the topsoil of words to the rich and fertile ground of true love in action.

Love has to be more than words, much more. It has to be a lifestyle; an unwavering, unshakable persevering commitment. Real love, seasoned love, has roots that go so deep that when the winds of time and change blow across the relationship, the foundation stands firm and our bond is stronger for having weathered the storm together!! This kind of love is so rarely achieved these days because so few actually hang on to their marriage long enough to reach this level. Love today is disposable. It is temporary at best, and really almost non-existent at worst. Just watch one episode of “Entertainment Tonight” or take a glance at one of the tabloids at the checkout in WalMart the next time you’re standing in line. They will validate the fleeting and impermanent nature of love in the 21st Century.

How can we combat this? What can we do to avoid being sucked into the vortex of empty love? We can take action! Literally. We must go on the offensive for our marriage and be deliberate in how we show our husband or wife that we really do love them. We must look for ways to demonstrate our love for one another daily. We must lay aside our own desires and seek to fulfill the desires of the other… regularly, constantly! We have to get our focus off of our wants and look instead to the wants and needs of our spouse. This will take some practice, but it will pay huge dividends in your marriage! It will help move you beyond the surface level of love into a deeper, more fruitful plane.

(this post continues tomorrow)

Ah, let us begin this week with some select passages on marriage:

Then God said, “Let us make people in our image, to be like ourselves… So God created people in his own image; God patterned them after himself; male and female he created them… Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was excellent in every way. This all happened on the sixth day.

Genesis 1:26Genesis 1:26
English: Contemporary English Version (1999) - CEV
26 Ws ; God said, “Now we will make humans, and they will be like us. We will let them rule the fish, the birds, and all other living creatures.”

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And the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a companion who will help him.” So the Lord God formed from the soil every kind of animal and bird. He brought them to Adam to see what he would call them, and Adam chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, birds, and wild animals. But still there was no companion suitable for him. So the Lord God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep. He took one of Adam’s ribs and closed up the place from which he had taken it. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib and brought her to Adam.

“At last!” Adam exclaimed. “She is part of my own flesh and bone! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken out of a man.” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Genesis 2:18-24Genesis 2:18-24
English: Contemporary English Version (1999) - CEV
18 The Lord God said, “It isn't good for the man to live alone. I need to make a suitable partner for him.” ¹⁹-²⁰ So the Lord took some soil and made animals and birds. He brought them to the man to see what names he would give each of them. Then the man named the tame animals and the birds and the wild animals. That's how they got their names. None of these was the right kind of partner for the man. ²¹ So the Lord God made him fall into a deep sleep, and he took out one of the man's ribs. Then after closing the man's side, ²² the Lord made a woman out of the rib. The Lord God brought her to the man, ²³ and the man exclaimed, “Here is someone like me! She is part of my body, my own flesh and bones. She came from me, a man. So I will name her Woman!” i a man ... woman: In Hebrew the words “man” and “woman” are similar. ²⁴ ; That's why a man will leave his own father and mother. He marries a woman, and the two of them become like one person.

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Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you in this world. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil.

Ecclesiastes 9:9Ecclesiastes 9:9
English: Contemporary English Version (1999) - CEV
9 Life is short, and you love your wife, so enjoy being with her. This is what you are supposed to do as you struggle through life on this earth.

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The man who finds a wife finds a treasure and receives favor from the Lord.

Proverbs 18:22Proverbs 18:22
English: Contemporary English Version (1999) - CEV
22 A man's greatest treasure is his wife— she is a gift from the Lord.

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practice and prayer

Take this opportunity to thank God for his wisdom. He knows
what we need before we are even aware of it. He leads us slowly
so that we will realize what our real needs are. For all this and so
much more, start this week thanking God.

You could even look to scripture to pray:

I will praise you Lord – at all times.
I will constantly speak your praises.
I will boast in you alone;
When I am discouraged I will find comfort in you!
May those around me have voices to share what you have done!
May we boldly declare your name.
I have prayed to you and heard your voice; you have freed me from my fears…

Adapted from Psalm 34.

Open up your Bible and begin praying this psalm in your own words…