As they were walking along someone said to Jesus, “I will follow you no matter where you go.”

But Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens to live in, and birds have nests, but I, the Son of Man, have no home of my own, not even a place to lay my head.”

He said to another person, “Come, be my disciple.”

The man agreed, but he said, “Lord, first, let me return home and bury my father.”

Jesus replied, “Let those who are spiritually dead care for their own dead. Your duty is to go and preach the coming of the Kingdom of God.”

Another said, “Yes, Lord, I will follow you, but first let me say good-bye to my family.”

But Jesus told him, “Anyone who puts a hand to the plow and then looks back is not fit for the Kingdom of God.”

Luke 9:57-62Luke 9:57-62
English: Contemporary English Version (1999) - CEV
Three People Who Wanted To Be Followers ⁵⁷ Along the way someone said to Jesus, “I'll go anywhere with you!” ⁵⁸ Jesus said, “Foxes have dens, and birds have nests, but the Son of Man doesn't have a place to call his own.” ⁵⁹ Jesus told someone else to come with him. But the man said, “Lord, let me wait until I bury my father.” n bury my father: The Jewish people taught that giving someone a proper burial was even more important than helping the poor. ⁶⁰ Jesus answered, “Let the dead take care of the dead, while you go and tell about God's kingdom.” ⁶¹ . Then someone said to Jesus, “I want to go with you, Lord, but first let me go back and take care of things at home.” ⁶² Jesus answered, “Anyone who starts plowing and keeps looking back isn't worth a thing to God's kingdom!”

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Let’s cut to the chase today. Honoring God comes before honoring our parents. Obedience to God’s word and will comes before obedience to the words and advice of our parents. I know deeply what it is like to have to reject a parent’s will in favor of God’s will.

I don’t say that lightly. This isn’t about some childhood dream that my parents would have squashed. It isn’t a tale of overcoming a parent’s overbearing desire for me to be a lawyer and make a name for myself, something they were never able to do. Those are the stories we hear, the pop-culture of turning from our parents to our dreams. We need to be very careful we aren’t substituting our hopes for God’s will…

Many of the events in my early days as a Christian caused my parents grief. My parents often showed me they felt rejection, betrayal and jealousy and my growth as a Christian was often an opportunity for strain in our relationship, rather than joy.

It isn’t that they were upset with my decision to follow Christ. Their reaction just seemed to say that it was inconvenient. When I started following Christ, becoming a disciple in ways that had material cost, things definitely got more heated. Destroying thousands of dollars worth of my music was the tipping point, an event that cemented in my mind that I was choosing to fill my mind with those things that pleased my God, rejecting those things that didn’t. To my parents, it was an act of betrayal, a statement of my disrespect and lack of consideration for their feelings.

Please understand me. I am not bad-mouthing my parents or saying I always handled things the best way. However, I want you to understand that there are times when honoring God will mean you will hurt your parent’s feelings. There may come a time when you will have to choose between your parents and following God. Even when the act of following God seems in direct conflict with your parents’ stated will, you can still choose to show them respect.

But I want to also add that having to choose between God and our parents is not the typical pattern addressed in scripture. Jesus, in Luke, is not exactly trying to say that we should honor God before our parents (though this is true). Rather, he is very direct that we should not use our parents (or any other family member) as an excuse to avoid following God.

That’s what Jesus is showing in Luke 9. The man who requests leave to bury his father seems to be asking a noble thing. But it is possible that his father was still alive. In essence, this man was saying, “I’ll follow you, but it isn’t convenient right now. I’ll follow you when I don’t have anything else going on (like when my parents are dead, and I’ve gotten the inheritance; maybe then…)” The next man’s request seems similar to that of Elisha (1 Kings 19-21), but Jesus’ reaction shows that he saw through this man’s heart. Elisha ran to his parents and told them “good-bye”, then left. He sacrificed his livelihood, and then followed God’s call. He was seeking to honor his parents and God. This man, on the other hand, was looking for an excuse, some reason to avoid following, some loophole in the call to discipleship.

When it comes to the question of honoring God or our parents, it is a question of discipleship. We must ask ourselves; Are we truly deciding between God’s will and our parents’ will? Or are we looking for a reason to avoid doing what we know God has called us to do?

prayer

God, I want to thank you for my mother and father. I know we have not always seen eye to eye. My own sinfulness and childishness has caused me to act in ways that did not properly reflect you before them. Lord, give me great wisdom when dealing with my parents, so that they will see the love you have for me, and the plan you are working out in my life.

Thank you for the way that they raised me. They set a high standard and they always let me know that I was loved. Help me to show my own children unconditional love. Help me to raise them in a way that they will see Christ and come to know Jesus personally.

Father, help us to honor our parents. Help us to follow you unwaveringly. Help us to be an example to the world of what families and communities built on true respect and love look like.

“At last!” Adam exclaimed. “She is part of my own flesh and bone! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken out of man.” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Genesis 2:23-24Genesis 2:23-24
English: Contemporary English Version (1999) - CEV
23 and the man exclaimed, “Here is someone like me! She is part of my body, my own flesh and bones. She came from me, a man. So I will name her Woman!” i a man ... woman: In Hebrew the words “man” and “woman” are similar. ²⁴ ; That's why a man will leave his own father and mother. He marries a woman, and the two of them become like one person.

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The Hebrew word for leave in the verse above is ‘azab, awzab’ and it means to loosen, relinquish, or forsake; the meaning is crystal clear. Instead of clinging to one’s parents as most have probably done their entire lives up until marriage, spouses are to forsake the primary bond to their Dad and Mom in deference to their bond with their spouse. It is a process of going from dependency on one’s parents to independence from them. And a lot of times this transitional process gets sticky!

Are we called to still honor our parents even after we’ve moved out of the house and are now clinging to our spouse? Yes! Does that mean that if my parents prefer me to do one thing and my spouse prefers another that I automatically still obey my parents? No!

Honoring our parents, as the fifth commandment exhorts us to do, takes on a different hue once we are married. Clearly, it does not mean that our father and mother retain carte-blanche authority over our lives. Once we are joined with another in matrimony, in the sight of God and whatever witnesses, our primary responsibility and accountability, humanly speaking, is then shifted from our parents to our mate.

This “shifting” is often an awkward and somewhat painful time in most young people’s lives. It isn’t easy to relinquish the authority that has been in place in one’s life for a couple of decades and turn to give it to another. The tension is frequently felt by all parties, from the adult child to their parents to the new spouse. An emotional tug-of-war is common and if things aren’t handled properly in the early stages of a new marriage, it can mean years of resentment and hurt feelings until the severing of the apron strings is properly completed. Some couples handle this process better than others, depending on their upbringing and relationship with their parents. Some couples never properly detach from their parents and their marriages are wracked with the scars and bruises to prove it.

There are so many variables that come into the picture when talking about leaving one’s father and mother and being united to one’s spouse. Physical proximity to the parents is a huge factor, health of the marital relationship plays a big role, whether or not children/grandchildren are involved is another issue, and how dependent one has always been on their parents is also a major question. But, whatever the circumstances may be, the fact still remains that though we are called to honor our parents, we are not allowed to dishonor our spouse. Once we are married, after God, our spouse should have first place in our hearts and in our actions. Our mate should be second to no one but God. And our parents don’t even show up third on the radar if children are involved! At best they may be fourth!

Read the following quote by Irv Thomas:

If we pause to think about it, each of us has a large amount of precedent in our own life in structuring and altering reality. We have all made transitions from child to spouse to parent, from student to occupational specialist, in many cases from supervised to supervisor. Natural transitions, yes, but in each instance we have assumed a different role, and to some large degree our life pattern was altered in the process; often our entire relationship to the world around us altered with it. None of these transitions was inevitable. We made choices, we moved toward goals, we pursued directions of our own free will.

When we decide to get married, exercising the freedom of our will, we are still bound to obey God. Though we grow up and leave the confines of our parent’s provision and protection, we are still always dependent on God. He tells us to honor our parents and to be united with our spouse,
which means it is healthy and possible to carry out both mandates. We just have to have our priorities straight and know what to do if a tough call has to be made. We should always do our best to honor our parents, but if it comes down to a choice between them or our mate, our spouse should never have to worry where their ranking is!

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• Does your spouse know that you are more committed and loyal to them than your parents?
• Do you need to have a talk with your parents about certain behaviors in their lives that undermine your marriage?
• What examples can you think of in your life where you have been able to honor your parents without disrespecting your spouse?

prayer

Dear Father, please help me to make my spouse the most important priority in my life after You. Please forgive me for the times when I may have made them feel less important to me than my parents. Please help me establish boundaries with my parents so they will know and understand my desires to honor my spouse while I at the same time honor them. Please build within my marriage a relationship between my spouse and my parents that is honoring to You so that everyone will be in agreement about the way things are supposed to be ordered in our lives.

Please help our family to support one another and base our connections with each other on the Truth of Your Word and the principles You’ve established. In Jesus’ Name I ask, Amen.

But if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God. If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

1 Timothy 5:4, 81 Timothy 5:4, 8
English: Contemporary English Version (1999) - CEV
4 But if a widow has children or grandchildren, they should learn to serve God by taking care of her, as she once took care of them. This is what God wants them to do. ⁸ People who don't take care of their relatives, and especially their own families, have given up their faith. They are worse than someone who doesn't have faith in the Lord.

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I have been out from under my parent’s authority for 30 years. I tried my best to be an obedient child when I was growing up because I knew the verse that commanded children to obey their parents. And I feel I have honored them in my adulthood by listening to their advice and respecting them as individuals. After my father’s death, I was more keenly aware of my mom’s needs, and that one day I may have to care for her. But until I really read these verses, I did not realize how much scripture has to say about caring for our parents. It is right there in black and white, and there is really no getting around exactly what the scripture says!

Repay Your Parents

As a parent myself, I know how much you have to give to your children. You give to meet their physical needs of food, clothing and shelter, and all the special gifts you provide for them beyond their basic needs. However, the most selfless gift you provide for them is in the area of emotional and spiritual support. All their lives they will need this from you as a parent, and all your life you will give it.

It’s interesting to think that scripture tells us to repay our parents for all they have done for us. Of course, that is impossible to do! But it should have an influence on us when we consider how we will care for our parents. With this as our standard (to repay our parents) we are called to a selfless giving of ourselves as we give back to them. No matter what our care looks like (whether in our home or in a home run by professionals), it should reflect our desire to care for them in the same manner as—or better than—that which we received from our parents when we were growing up. In our selfish society, this will cause us to stand out from the rest.

Put Your Religion into Practice

Yes, the world should be able to see something different in us as we care for our parents. Perhaps your parents weren’t the best at raising you. Still, the scriptures are clear that we are to care for them graciously, because of their position as our parents. This surely will show your parents what it means to walk with God, and our culture will take note, too. If we claim to be followers of Christ, and do not care for our families, our words and testimony are empty, and the world will see right through us.

It Is Pleasing to God

This is the ultimate motive—to please God. Isn’t that our goal in life and in everything we do? Romans 12:1Romans 12:1
English: Contemporary English Version (1999) - CEV
Christ Brings New Life ^{12 1} Dear friends, God is good. So I beg you to offer your bodies to him as a living sacrifice, pure and pleasing. That's the most sensible way to serve God.

WP-Bible plugin tells us to be living sacrifices to God, and this pleases him. When it comes to family, what better way to please God than through sacrificial giving to care for those who gave us life? Our parents will be honored, our Heavenly Father will be pleased, and our world will note that our lives are different, bring glory and honor to God. So, when we honor our parents, we honor our God. It may not always be easy, but it is the right thing to do.

prayer

Heavenly Father, we desire to be pleasing to you in all that we do. Help us to honor our parents by caring for them when they can no longer care for themselves. Help us to love them and give back to them in the same way you give to us. May the world take note of the differences in our lives, and may we bring glory and honor to your name. It is in that name that we pray, Amen.

Have you ever noticed that opinions about our parents change with each life stage? As small children, we tend to “think the world” of our moms and dads, believing that they can fix anything and that they are invincible. Small children willingly jump into their fathers’ arms because they have faith in them. Then, as teenagers, we begin to believe that we actually know more than our parents. But as adulthood creeps in, we begin to realize that our parents weren’t so “dumb” after all, because we learn to appreciate them for who they are. Read this poem written by a grateful daughter:

Life Lessons
You may have thought I didn’t see,
Or that I hadn’t heard,
Life lessons that you taught to me,
But I got every word.
Perhaps you thought I missed it all,
And that we’d grow apart,
But Dad, I picked up everything,
It’s written on my heart.
Without you, Dad, I wouldn’t be
The person I am today;
You built a strong foundation
No one can take away.
I’ve grown up with your values,
And I’m very glad I did;
So here’s to you, dear father,
From your forever grateful kid.

By Joanna Fuchs

Exodus 20:12Exodus 20:12
English: Contemporary English Version (1999) - CEV
12 a Respect your father and your mother, and you will live a long time in the land I am giving you.

WP-Bible plugin commands, “Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” By honoring our parents, we gain their wisdom. Many of us have been blessed with godly parents that have taught us through both their words and their actions. These parents instilled valued into their children and sought to build a foundation for their families. By honoring our parents, we accept their input and gain a little of their wisdom.

However, others may struggle with honoring a parent who wasn’t so godly. But it is still God’s desire for us. As we graciously forgive, we can learn from their mistakes and maybe even learn something about ourselves. God never gives us more than we can handle, and in every situation, He desires for us to learn more about Him as we rely on His strength alone. Regardless of circumstances, God has commanded us to honor our parents.

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Make it a point to honor your parents this week. Maybe you just need to call and thank them for their input into your life, or maybe you need to forgive their mistakes and seek God as to what you are supposed to learn from them.

prayer

Dear God, thank you for my parents. Please help me to honor them with love, respect, and a life that they can be proud of. Help me to gain wisdom and understanding from them. Thank you, most of all, for being my Heavenly Father and for loving me unconditionally. Help me to also honor you with my words, thoughts, and actions. In your name I pray, Amen.