Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.
Colossians 3:12-15Colossians 3:12-15
English: Contemporary English Version (1999) - CEV
12 . God loves you and has chosen you as his own special people. So be gentle, kind, humble, meek, and patient. 13 . Put up with each other, and forgive anyone who does you wrong, just as Christ has forgiven you. 14 Love is more important than anything else. It is what ties everything completely together. 15 Each one of you is part of the body of Christ, and you were chosen to live together in peace. So let the peace that comes from Christ control your thoughts. And be grateful.
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I probably don’t need to remind you, but relationships can be messy business. Spouses argue, whether it’s because there is actually a difference of opinion or one or both is in a bad mood. Friends misunderstand each others intentions, or become jealous of time spent with others. Sometimes, friends just do things to each other out of selfishness. Family members conflict over every little thing; sometimes proximity over time, sometimes out of their stage in life (teenagers rebelling, toddlers testing boundaries, etc.)
If you go to your nearest bookstore, you will find a book for every opinion on the best way to deal with relationship stress, relationship breakdown. You may have heard some of the ideas that are often suggested. Be transparent, allowing others to see your fragility: don’t wear a mask of strength and perfection. Don’t be needy. Be honest. Lie. Seek forgiveness, taking the initiative to restore the relationship. Be positive and encouraging, never critical. Some of the ideas you will find deserve a lot of thought, consideration and application. Others just miss the point – or are flat out dangerous.
Why do we get into so much relationship trouble in the first place? Is it because we go looking for it? Maybe, sometimes. But often, it is simply because we expect too much. We expect a standard of behavior that we ourselves can’t meet. We expect a measure of availability that we ourselves don’t live up to. We expect perfection. The slightest failure can be treated like the height of betrayal. Any omission, forgetfulness or distraction can be treated as a lack of care, a slap in the face.
Make allowance for each other’s faults. It is a simple truth. If you have expectations that are intolerant of other’s mistakes, then you need to reconsider your expectations. If failures are tallied and recorded so as not to be forgotten – or forgiven – you need to spend some time thinking about the depths of God’s forgiveness to you. This is how we want others to treat us, isn’t it? We want them to see past our mistakes.
Recognizing that it is unrealistic for us to expect perfection is not the same thing as “lowering the bar”, or giving trust without wisdom. It means we allow others to be real, letting them make mistakes and offering forgiveness quickly. This is the kind of heart that we have been given through the Holy Spirit’s work within us.
Before we can begin to look at forgiving, trusting, and breaking down barriers – all that goes into mending relationships – we must begin with giving each other room to make mistakes. Call it an “umbrella of grace”, or whatever you like. This is the kind of love generates peace and harmony; that shows the world you mean business.
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