The Mount Church - www.themountchurch.com

“At last!” Adam exclaimed. “She is part of my own flesh and bone! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken out of man.” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Genesis 2:23-24Genesis 2:23-24
English: Contemporary English Version (1999) - CEV
23 and the man exclaimed, “Here is someone like me! She is part of my body, my own flesh and bones. She came from me, a man. So I will name her Woman!” i a man ... woman: In Hebrew the words “man” and “woman” are similar. ²⁴ ; That's why a man will leave his own father and mother. He marries a woman, and the two of them become like one person.

WP-Bible plugin

The Hebrew word for leave in the verse above is ‘azab, awzab’ and it means to loosen, relinquish, or forsake; the meaning is crystal clear. Instead of clinging to one’s parents as most have probably done their entire lives up until marriage, spouses are to forsake the primary bond to their Dad and Mom in deference to their bond with their spouse. It is a process of going from dependency on one’s parents to independence from them. And a lot of times this transitional process gets sticky!

Are we called to still honor our parents even after we’ve moved out of the house and are now clinging to our spouse? Yes! Does that mean that if my parents prefer me to do one thing and my spouse prefers another that I automatically still obey my parents? No!

Honoring our parents, as the fifth commandment exhorts us to do, takes on a different hue once we are married. Clearly, it does not mean that our father and mother retain carte-blanche authority over our lives. Once we are joined with another in matrimony, in the sight of God and whatever witnesses, our primary responsibility and accountability, humanly speaking, is then shifted from our parents to our mate.

This “shifting” is often an awkward and somewhat painful time in most young people’s lives. It isn’t easy to relinquish the authority that has been in place in one’s life for a couple of decades and turn to give it to another. The tension is frequently felt by all parties, from the adult child to their parents to the new spouse. An emotional tug-of-war is common and if things aren’t handled properly in the early stages of a new marriage, it can mean years of resentment and hurt feelings until the severing of the apron strings is properly completed. Some couples handle this process better than others, depending on their upbringing and relationship with their parents. Some couples never properly detach from their parents and their marriages are wracked with the scars and bruises to prove it.

There are so many variables that come into the picture when talking about leaving one’s father and mother and being united to one’s spouse. Physical proximity to the parents is a huge factor, health of the marital relationship plays a big role, whether or not children/grandchildren are involved is another issue, and how dependent one has always been on their parents is also a major question. But, whatever the circumstances may be, the fact still remains that though we are called to honor our parents, we are not allowed to dishonor our spouse. Once we are married, after God, our spouse should have first place in our hearts and in our actions. Our mate should be second to no one but God. And our parents don’t even show up third on the radar if children are involved! At best they may be fourth!

Read the following quote by Irv Thomas:

If we pause to think about it, each of us has a large amount of precedent in our own life in structuring and altering reality. We have all made transitions from child to spouse to parent, from student to occupational specialist, in many cases from supervised to supervisor. Natural transitions, yes, but in each instance we have assumed a different role, and to some large degree our life pattern was altered in the process; often our entire relationship to the world around us altered with it. None of these transitions was inevitable. We made choices, we moved toward goals, we pursued directions of our own free will.

When we decide to get married, exercising the freedom of our will, we are still bound to obey God. Though we grow up and leave the confines of our parent’s provision and protection, we are still always dependent on God. He tells us to honor our parents and to be united with our spouse,
which means it is healthy and possible to carry out both mandates. We just have to have our priorities straight and know what to do if a tough call has to be made. We should always do our best to honor our parents, but if it comes down to a choice between them or our mate, our spouse should never have to worry where their ranking is!

application

• Does your spouse know that you are more committed and loyal to them than your parents?
• Do you need to have a talk with your parents about certain behaviors in their lives that undermine your marriage?
• What examples can you think of in your life where you have been able to honor your parents without disrespecting your spouse?

prayer

Dear Father, please help me to make my spouse the most important priority in my life after You. Please forgive me for the times when I may have made them feel less important to me than my parents. Please help me establish boundaries with my parents so they will know and understand my desires to honor my spouse while I at the same time honor them. Please build within my marriage a relationship between my spouse and my parents that is honoring to You so that everyone will be in agreement about the way things are supposed to be ordered in our lives.

Please help our family to support one another and base our connections with each other on the Truth of Your Word and the principles You’ve established. In Jesus’ Name I ask, Amen.