“I love pizza!” “Oooh, I just love little puppy dogs.” “I love the Atlanta Braves!!” “I love watching ‘American Idol’.” “I love shopping.” “I love the spring time.” “I love you.” When you think about how carelessly and liberally we throw the word love around, is it any wonder that many of us aren’t exactly “feeling the love?”
How do you define love? The dictionary says that love is “an intense affection toward another person based on familial or personal ties.” A lot of times this “intense affection” stems from a physical or sexual attraction. We say we love people when we are attracted to them or when they make us feel good. Right? Be honest.
This kind of love represents the mire in which so many live today, the wasteland of conditional affection. We “love” others based on their ability to fulfill the desires and needs we have. This kind of conditional love is also mercurial, that is, a “love” that is subject to the whimsy of our emotions, a wavering devotion that changes with our feelings and moods from one minute to the next. The divorce rate is staggeringly high today because husbands and wives supposedly stop loving one another or “fall out of love.” They go through a rough patch in their marriage and no longer “feel” love for their spouse, so they call it quits. They label it “irreconcilable differences” on the divorce papers, but it really boils down to the tragedy of empty love, an extremely immature love that never grew beyond the topsoil of words to the rich and fertile ground of true love in action.
Love has to be more than words, much more. It has to be a lifestyle; an unwavering, unshakable persevering commitment. Real love, seasoned love, has roots that go so deep that when the winds of time and change blow across the relationship, the foundation stands firm and our bond is stronger for having weathered the storm together!! This kind of love is so rarely achieved these days because so few actually hang on to their marriage long enough to reach this level. Love today is disposable. It is temporary at best, and really almost non-existent at worst. Just watch one episode of “Entertainment Tonight” or take a glance at one of the tabloids at the checkout in WalMart the next time you’re standing in line. They will validate the fleeting and impermanent nature of love in the 21st Century.
How can we combat this? What can we do to avoid being sucked into the vortex of empty love? We can take action! Literally. We must go on the offensive for our marriage and be deliberate in how we show our husband or wife that we really do love them. We must look for ways to demonstrate our love for one another daily. We must lay aside our own desires and seek to fulfill the desires of the other… regularly, constantly! We have to get our focus off of our wants and look instead to the wants and needs of our spouse. This will take some practice, but it will pay huge dividends in your marriage! It will help move you beyond the surface level of love into a deeper, more fruitful plane.
(this post continues tomorrow)
This post was originally distributed through PDF in conjunction with the Wed-Locked series, February 12, 2007.
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