After breakfast Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”
“Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.”
“Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him.
Jesus repeated the question: “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
“Yes, Lord,” Peter said, “you know I love you.”
“Then take care of my sheep,” Jesus said.
Once more he asked him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”
Peter was grieved that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know I love you.”
Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep…”
Love is not easy. No big surprise. But God understands where we are. That should encourage us to really serve him. He isn’t waiting for you to mess up. So set aside all the fear and worry and let’s get to business about loving others!
It’s a fairly common understanding that there are multiple words in Greek for which in English we use just the one, “love”. In this passage, two are to be found, and this detail is often “lost in translation.” But the emphasis and use was certainly not lost on Peter. His reaction shows just how powerful Jesus’ words were.
Here is the scene: The risen Lord eats a meal with Peter, the disciple who rejected knowing Jesus. It is very clear that Peter wants to be close to Jesus. He cares for him deeply and all his hope and future is in him. Out of the blue Jesus says those gracious, and simultaneously tragic, words, “Do you love me more than these?”
That word “love” is based on the word you have likely heard about, agape. It is the word used of affection and highest regard. It is never dispassionate. It is never based on mere appearances and attraction. It is enduring and powerful, and in antiquity was a word used to describe the love between husband and wife. It could be as commonplace as the feeling towards a good meal, the feeling of content and peace that comes with security and a full belly. And it was in the New Testament the word used by Jesus to describe the love he possessed; sacrificial, always attentive to others, constantly serving, never failing. It is the love God has for us and calls us to emulate.
Now compare this to the Greek word philia. This is the word for the love between friends. Philia is sometimes described as a dispassionate, virtuous love. It is not based on attraction or beauty. We might even use words other than love to describe it. Loyalty to family, friends and community. Friendship. It required character and described a person who was even-handed, fair. This is the love of trench-mates. Those who serve and fight together. It is the strong bond of an extended family.
As a final comparison, let us look at eros. Eros is love based on attraction, beauty and sensuality. It is often described as self-seeking in Christian circles, but that has been a little over-played. Eros is based on physical beauty and attraction, though it is often not sexual in nature. But eros is anything but dispassionate. It is a consuming kind of love, one that takes all your attention and motivation and directs it at that which is beautiful.
Peter’s response to Jesus is amazing. It makes one almost gasp. He responds, “Yes lord, you know that I love you.” The gasp comes in realizing that Peter has not answered Jesus’ question! Peter responds with philia love. He responds to Jesus that he is loyal, devoted and committed; more than the other disciples. But that wasn’t what Jesus asked. It is as if the woman has just asked her man, “Do you love me?” and he responded, “I like you a lot and I’m not leaving.” You might get slapped for something like that.
Jesus waits a moment, then asks the question again. Do you love me? Agape. Again, Peter responds. Philia.
Jesus waits again. Then his third question knocks the wind out of Peter. Do you love me? Philia. Peter was grieved. The words of Jesus cut him like a knife. Here was Peter, the failure, the broken. Jesus was asking him to rise above it, and he had now failed miserably. There Jesus is, humbly accepting Peter where he is. He understands Peter. He knows him inside and out. Yes lord, I love you. Philia.
If you are at a place today where you are feeling bruised, beaten up by the world and even rejected from God, know that God is prepared to love and accept you. He is ready to make a seat at the table for you and welcome you into his presence. If you have stepped away from the close relationship you once had with your savior, today is the day to tell him that you still want to be committed. You still want to have a deep and personal relationship. You don’t have to have your act all together. Leave that to him.
Trusting in God is meant to give us great confidence. That confidence should encourage us to love his body all the more; to love others in a way that we have only dreamed of. How would you want to be loved? What would it look like? If you can envision it, go do it for your brother or sister in Christ.
Through Christ you have come to trust in God. And because God raised Christ from the dead and gave him great glory, your faith and hope can be placed confidently in God. Now you can have sincere love for each other as brothers and sisters (philia) because you were cleansed from your sins when you accepted the truth of the Good News. So see to it that you really do love each other (agape) intensely with all your hearts.